five

the texas sky

on december 1st, we celebrated our 5 year anniversary in our home. am i the only one who celebrates anniversaries like this? 

five years ago, i woke up in my parent house. i woke alone early that morning. david was already in texas closing on our home and waiting for the moving truck to arrive. i got myself dressed, placed a few final things in my suitcase and woke a sleeping baby eli. we drove to the airport with my parents. i tried to keep my mind busy so i wouldn't think about what was just about to happen. 

i was about to say goodbye to my parents. the guilt of moving their only grandchild away haunted me. although i knew, and they knew, we had to do what we felt was best for our family, my heart was still heavy. over the previous months, i ignored all the comments spoken to us by others about just how crazy this move was. but, at that moment, all the comments played over and over in my mind. 

we arrived at the airport. my parents were also leaving for a trip to illinois so they were able to walk me to the terminal. there the four of us waited for boarding to start. eli fell asleep in my arms as we waited. finally, the call for boarding arrived. i am terrible at goodbyes and it took everything within me to hold my tears back. part of me was grateful eli was sleeping in my arms. the thought of looking into his big brown eyes as we said goodbye to my parents was even more painful. 

i boarded the plane, found my seat, and stared out the window. the plane was full, yet i felt like eli and i were the only two on board. as i looked out the window, i cried. sobbed really. three hours later, i landed in dallas with swollen eyes. 

the move, of course, worked out. there's been moments of sadness as i long for the familiar face of my parents and the comfort of their home. i still miss the familiar streets and locations that hold the memories of my childhood, teenage years and journey into marriage and motherhood. whenever i return home, during the drive to my parents house, i gaze out the window and as we pass my familiar neighborhood and city, i recall all the memories i had there. like my high school where i spent four years of my life and met my husband. like the mountains which were always snow capped after a good rain at our home. like the italian cafe where david and i ate just two days before we married. like the craft store where my mom and i always shopped, and every single time we would buy fabric, we would always buy too much or two little because we could never remember how many feet are in a yard. like the 10 freeway, which i traveled heading to school or the beach or to go shopping or just because i wanted to take a drive to think. 

i think my best friend, kelly, said it perfectly, "home is where your family is." she knows my emotions because she too moved away from her family in florida. this lovely home that we've created is amazing. it's not because it's fancy or grand, it's just because it is ours. it's because every corner of this house shows some aspect about who we are. we've enjoyed life here. and regardless of which state we call home, as long as our little family of four is together, all is well. 

and there's part of me that knows, those emotions that i felt 5 years ago, and still feel to this day, make me feel a bit more alive. because to me, that's what this silly little life is all about, not just living life, but feeling life.