Thursday, October 6, 2011

letting go

so here's the truth.

i miss having my children with me all the time. i do. i miss that. i miss waking in the morning and lounging on the couch with two children by my side. i miss our lazy days of walks to the park and bike rides in the wind. i miss wearing our pajamas in the garden and letting them throw dirt all over and even on each other. i miss everything about having my children with me all day and every day.

the thing is, that's part of this whole journey of parenthood. keeping them close at times, yet knowing when it is time to let go. to let them walk a few feet in front of me rather than by my side. to send them off to school and remind myself that i have prepared them well for what lies ahead of them.

things change. as i add years to my age, so do my children. there are moments when i walk up to my husband with sad eyes. i say, "they're growing up and i can't freeze time." he smiles, usually pulls me in towards him and says, "just enjoy it."

so as i sat in the car this morning at kindergarten drop off. as i watched eli walk into school with a friend and not me. as the two of them tried to enter through a door that wasn't the usual door. i so wanted to get out of the car, run after them and say, "wait, i'll walk with you." but instead, i enjoyed the moment. i watched them correct their path on their own and make it through the 'right' door.

as much as i would love to guide these children every moment of the day, deep down, in this heart and loves being a mother, i know that they will be just fine. i just plant those little seeds, as i do every spring in my garden, and watch them grow and turn into something mighty.

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