breaking point

i have reached my breaking point. in my mind, over and over, i am reciting my motto for this year. remember?

david has been out of town. i can manage pretty easily by myself for a couple of days, but a few days have passed and he's still not home. i have two more days to go. sigh.

for obvious reason, i want him home. like the kids. he is the enforcer. the kids don't need much enforcing, just his presence works wonders on the kids. friday night we went out to celebrate eli's birthday. the kids were wild. and although my parents and david's family was there, i needed him. emma has been insanely whiney these days. i knelt down to her this morning as she was whining at my feet and said in a calm voice, "what's wrong? why are you whining." she said it's because she's trying to feed her baby doll and she can't concentrate because of the noise in the house. "but there's no noise, it's really quiet in here right now," i replied. she continued to whine. finally, in my frustration i said, "honestly, if you're going to whine, you probably should have a really good reason for whining." 

then there's eli, who got up at 4am and started building with his legos. we woke me up to show me what he built. i love that he can entertain himself, but 4am? really? 

finally, the family dog, shelby. let me tell you, shelby is david's girl. when david comes home from work, he kisses me, gives the kids a hug, then heads towards shelby. shelby has been a wreak since david has been gone. she paces through the house. she wakes me up howling. she's an amazing dog and typically doesn't roam through the house, just sits in her bed, but not this week. she has shadowed me everywhere and i already have two shadows. last night she woke me at 3am howling at my bedroom door. 

i know i am typing most of this out of frustration. what i truly need is for david to come home. to bring peace back to our house. and for me to go out all by myself. for hours. alone. 

two more days. i'm sure i can make it.