i believe

i have a hard time accepting compliments. i've always been that way. it's a character flaw i have.

throughout our years as parents, david has told me countless times that i am the rock of our family. when he says that, i usually shrug my shoulders and smile. or lay a big kiss on his lips. but, i've never truly accepted his words because i always viewed the rock of our family as being him. over the past two weeks, i think i've grown to accept this compliment.

this poison ivy has done a number on me. it's been nearly two weeks, and now the poison ivy itch has left my body. what remains, are hives caused by the medication i was given to treat the rash. i'm not a medicine taker. but i listened to the medical advice and pumped my body full of steroids. steroids that i've always hated because i saw what they did to my sister who had no choice but to take them. the steroids left me with every side effect listed on the bottle. insomnia, hallucinations, depression, nervousness, hives. i hit my breaking point on wednesday night. i was attempting to get the children ready for bed but physically and mentally couldn't. i walked out of emma's room, grabbed a pillow and laid on the floor next to david. it was then, that david realized what the medication was doing to me. he wiped my tears, put the children to bed and stayed up late talking to me.

i threw away the medicine and i'm just now, starting to feel like my normal self.

i've always believed in the power of a loving mother. that we as mothers have the power to shape nations by raising our children from babes to adults by guiding them gently, all while letting them fall along the way. it's those falls, and our gentle hands picking them up, that create such powerful people who will one day lead this world.

all that to say, that yes, i believe i am the rock of our family. i keep this family beating and moving to that rhythm i talk about all too much. it took me practically losing my mind to realize how much this family depends of me and in return, i depend on it.