Monday, December 19, 2011

a different side of christmas

for many, this time of the year is merry and bright. i have an extra big smile on my face these days. and watching my children countdown until the 25th of december is probably the cutest thing about my day. but, i also understand that christmas isn't so jolly for some.

i remember the first thanksgiving after my sister passed away. i was 14 years old. it had only been a month and the wound was still very, very raw. my entire life, we had celebrated each and every holiday as a family of four. yet this thanksgiving, there were only three of us and it just didn't seem right.

my parents had opted us out of spending thanksgiving with extended family. that was probably the best thing they could have done for me. my mom ordered a boxed thanksgiving feast from the local grocery store. we ate when we were hungry. then, as evening fell, the three of us went to a movie. i still remember the exact movie we saw, even 18 years later. i remember being so involved in the story line. for 2 hours, i left my life as a 14 year old teenager who had just lost her sister and entered a pretend land where the ending is always happy and victorious.

although, if i had it my way, i would have my sister here. but, i have no choice in the matter. that experience years ago has allowed me to view the highs and lows of life a bit differently. someone who has never experienced such a great loss doesn't know the feeling of wanting to rewind life so badly it hurts. someone who has never experienced such a great loss doesn't understand that while others are wrapping and opening presents at christmas, there are others out there who have a massive lump in their throat and will wake up on christmas morning wanting nothing more than the pain to subside.

so, for those out there who read this and understand exactly what i went through and perhaps are going through the same, i say, regarde le ciel...look at the sky.

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