pause

i sat in the second row on saturday morning and watched my boy graduate from barn school. i was teary eyed. i want to press pause. 

during the graduation ceremony, his teacher gave a speech. she spoke of her parents and how they prayed fervently as they raised her and her siblings. how the quietness of her mothers prayers matched her gentle spirit. and her father, with zeal and volume, prayed continually that he may always be able to provide for his family. my eyes teared up once again when she spoke how her fathers desire to provide for his family is still evident today, even years after his death. it was his hard work that allowed the barn to be built and the blessing has trickled down to children that weren't really his. 

her 5 minute speech took my thoughts to my family. to the four of us and the little idiosyncrasies that make us us. i started thinking about david and the joy it brings him to provide for his wife, son and daughter. i started thinking about my life as a mother and how if that's all i ever am in this world, i am content. 

just as the seasons change, so does life. we're about to venture off to the world of kindergarten and as much as i don't like it, it must happen. yes, i would kind of do anything right now to freeze time. to keep eli's hand in mine as we cross the street. to keep emma holding onto my cardigan as i carry her on my hip. 

but the seasons are changing and i must change too.