Sunday, March 27, 2011


i've been feeling a bit homesick. just when i felt my yearning for california was dwindling, it returned, stronger than ever.

david has been out of town for the past few days. my homesick feelings hit their peak on saturday afternoon. it was so bad, i packed up the kids and decided we would just drive. no destination really, just drive.

as i drove down one of my favorite roads, i had the thought that texas will never feel like home to me. it's like taking me away from everything familiar. from my history. i miss driving past buildings and parks and restaurants and daydreaming about the moments spent there. i miss always knowing where north is. i miss the smell, the architecture, the giant trees. i miss feeling like i belong.

the children and i ended up browsing the isles of target. sure, it wasn't target on 19th, but we had fun. we  were leaving and emma sat in the shopping cart while i put eli in the car. a woman walked by talking on her cell phone. she told the person on the other end, "i love you." emma yelled back at her, "i love you too." we laughed.

as the sunset, the three of us enjoyed dinner at panera. sure, it wasn't panera on foothill and haven, but we had fun. emma danced around the table, stopping only to take a bite of her dinner. i didn't stop her because it was just way too cute. eli's eyes lit up when i offered him my baguette. we put our glasses together and said 'cheers' before each and every sip.

on the way home i listened to ray lamontagne. i hit repeat when it came to THIS song. driving and driving and driving. and then i realized this...

yes, i miss california. i miss it dearly. but i do know, without a doubt, we made the right decision in moving. i realized the problem, i was alone. i didn't realize until that moment, how much david is home to me. back in 2006, when david approached me about moving out of state, with a heavy heart, i agreed. i agreed because i knew home is where ever my husband is.

so home is returning tonight at midnight or so. and i'm staying up.

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